Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
