im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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