Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
