I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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