dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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