So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
