we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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