i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
