I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We had sex on a dog bed..
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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