Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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