If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
