Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
