and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
