i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
