I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
