coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
