We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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