I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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