just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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