How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
