she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
