Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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