yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
