...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
