imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
