What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
