Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
