I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
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