"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so let's talk penis.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
