Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
