can we get nightvision for the apartment?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
