All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
