he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
