and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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