stop calling my apartment porn island.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize