he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
