Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
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