remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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