I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
