He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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