dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
