gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
