I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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