he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
