remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
