I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
