flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
