That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
