i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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