I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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