I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
