i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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