u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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