isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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