the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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