Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
