i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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