i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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