I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
