hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
