i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
