there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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