I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
