dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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