So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
