i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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