i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
