The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Dicks are not precious.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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