i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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