he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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