Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize