Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
