maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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