she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
