i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
