Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
