I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
