My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
