She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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