I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
