Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
