Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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