I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
