Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
