soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
