why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
