alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
