I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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