Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize