great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
