Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
