i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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