I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
