Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
