dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
