I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
